“Like” is a bloodless word that begs for synonyms by its mediocrity. Like is the least committed word in the expression of holding someone in high regard. It is often the timid precursor to “I love you” or a euphemism for feeling a sexual attraction. That little turd of a word can multi-task as a preposition, noun, adjective, a conjunction, or a verb. It has become the most unworthy recipient of global attention and usage since landing on Facebook.
That feckless miniature of human response has gained iconic stature in the global marketplace and lexicon. Its evil twin, the thumb-up emoticon (yes, it is one thumb, not two) now serves to punctuate “like” in the way that using a bold font might. Flames are added to this impostor of true emotion to mimic some version of fervor. We now have the option to “like” with just a little more oomph. We must take caution to not strain ourselves.
When a barrage of “likes” appear without comment in response to a bereavement Facebook Status Update such as “My mother died today” it is beyond my comprehension. It appears that many allow the word “like” to convey a multitude of sentiments without having to make any emotional commitment or investment of time whatsoever. Perhaps when “like” appears to be an egregiously inappropriate response it is actually paired with some sort of extra-sensory companion that underscores its true intention: “I’m not really an insensitive buffoon, you know that my ‘like’ simply means I am here for you. I’m sorry for your loss; you have my deepest condolences.” Do we allow “like” to speak for us because our ability to communicate with each other is diminishing as our screen time increases exponentially?
Choice. Intention. I choose to have face to face conversations with others and make sure we actually look into each other’s eyes. When I go to a restaurant and the “server” introduces themselves, I introduce myself too. I ask him/her about their day. A brief conversation that lets them know I see them and value their service. We are having a human interaction for mutual benefit.
We can learn a great deal about people on Facebook by their comments, what they choose to post (or not post; words or images). With the ready access to “like” do we take the easy way out with conversations that might require us to be vulnerable or fully present when someone needs us or is clearly asking for a specific response? Are we simply too busy to live? “Like” has too much power on Facebook; often replacing the vocabulary of human engagement in the form of dialogue. The same could be said of texting, OMG, IDK, WTF? These abbreviations are making it into school papers - yes even college - ask professors you know - and life, education, discourse and relationships are on the fast track to the lowest common denominator of living, learning and loving.
Addicted to social media as your primary mode of human engagement? An inbox message or chat is a good place to start a more intimate conversation. E-mail, call, pick up the phone, Skype, send a card, write a letter (remember those?) or best of all, meet in person whenever possible. Go slow. Recovering the sense of wonder, passion and joy that comes with intimacy in our human connections could make you feel you’ve entered another dimension. To be genuinely connected to family, friends, colleagues, strangers and the world you inhabit (and inhabits you) is not always safe or pleasant. And in this warp-speed culture, it is certainly not always convenient.
We need to guard our time like the ephemeral treasure it is. What we lose cannot return, ever. Let’s be choosy and selective. Not everyone deserves our presence or even our absence. Be clear and intentional in communicating; ditch the passive aggressive quotes you might post on social media to relay an indirect message and pick up the phone or make an appointment instead. Which one makes you feel healthier - passive/aggressive or intentional/compassionately clear and direct?
I’m not sure which one repels me the most, an inappropriate like, or its use as the indolent response to a specific open question; or perhaps a comment when the request for “no comments please” is crystal clear. Oh, and what about that cowardly, commitment phobic thief of time and energy on event postings, Maybe, or that thoughtless Going accompanied by an enthusiastic and public comment of assurance of “wouldn’t miss it!”; the no-show sans any kind of alibi or apology, sincere or otherwise. We end up watching the door to make sure those Going cheerleaders feel welcomed and embraced at the event. Their absence stings and our faith in humanity erodes just a little more, however imperceptibly Why is it that people think so little of themselves as to believe that their presence or absence is of no consequence? Going means yes. And yes is a commitment.
I am the first to admit that I have inadvertently missed appointments, slept through alarms from utter exhaustion, left things undone, missed e-mail messages that get lost in the daily avalanche and cannot always return every single phone call that arrives. I am certain have been the cause of disappointment to others and to none more than to myself. It happens; we’re human and fallible. For those of us who don’t have personal assistants, housekeepers and personal trainers, keeping up with appointments, calls, events, bills, correspondence, work-outs, special dates and celebrations, laundry, cooking, cleaning, and all that daily life requires, can be a full-time job even before we do the one that brings in the money. Taking responsibility, holding ourselves accountable, is how we separate ourselves from gelatinous sea life that sting with disregard or self-knowledge. If we wish to be discernible from the sponge, when we are in error, we look for the way to make it right. One of the ways we can be more responsible is to be aware of what and how we post on social media. When we receive an invitation to an event, be honest and clear in our response. Show up or shut up.
My social media weakness? Animated emoticons/stickers when chatting with one very close friend. The sillier, the better. We binge on them for a few moments and then get to the real conversation. We try to out-do each other with how much we can say in images. A sticker here and there is fun, and allows my inner kid to be momentarily liberated from adult responsibilities - but NEVER while driving. I won’t even talk to myself when I’m behind the wheel. I save it up for whoever I’m on my way to meet, grateful that I have communication options other than social media.
There are people for whom social media is their most viable outlet, due to illness (been there), physical isolation, or difficulty with face to face engagement. There are more than two sides to every story, especially one as complex as human interactions in an increasingly high-speed, fast food, toxic, emotionally dangerous world where the greatest threats to our survival are the terrorism of manufactured wars for profit; genetically modified and processed foods; privatization of water; the school to prison pipeline; the willful endangerment of bees (which makes genetically modified food a corporately profitable necessity which can masquerade as the province of the scientifically heroic) and the relentless gang rape of the earth so that few may flourish as millions perish.
We cannot attend to it all, but we can be aware of ourselves and our daily human interactions. The more we isolate ourselves behind screens, the less conversant we become, the less we read and learn, the less we unite with a diversity of people, the easier we are to control and to bamboozle. If we are surrounded by normalized mediocrity, we become less discerning and easier to impress. Tyrants welcome the lazy and indifferent. Are you a “like” a “maybe” or a “going”? Will your legacy be a perfunctory comment, a wall of quotes from others, or do you plan to make a statement of your own?
What is the true meaning of all the “likes” in our lives? What is it that we’re not saying? Even as we use Facebook and other social media to “stay in touch” are we falling more out of touch?
Is like enough of a life for you?
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